7.1 Key Elements of Relational Interaction

I went to lunch last week with a colleague who was working on a part of the larger project I was designing. I have known this person for over 20 years and I have worked with her on various projects over the last 5 years. After reading "Key elements of relational interaction" (p. 144) I couldn't help but look back at this lunch date. The definition of the situation (the understanding of the conversation we were having) moved from polite and happy to heated and loud. For me my instrumental goal was to discuss the work that she had done for me on this large project. After a few minutes it was clear that the communication she was having with me was identity based. She was trying to make herself out to be the victim in what she characterized as work she didn't have time to do. I countered with an argument that her "group" was responsible for the delivery of the "content" for my use. Secondly, her group failed to edit the content that she was complaining about.

Needless to say it got to the point where she wanted to forget the work that she had done and suggested that I not use her work. I reasoned with her about my disappointment with her group not getting her involved in the process sooner. I had the last word, and then she got quiet. She then said, "did we just get in our first fight?" I laughed and told her that we were passionate about our roles in this project and that we both wanted the same thing. We just needed some "legitimation' (I didn't tell her that, but now I know what I word I was looking for) to feel valued about our contributions to the project. We smiled and I paid for lunch. We went out to Cost Plus and purchased a screen for her cubicle. I opened the box and assembled the screen for her at her desk.